Top Rants
ok,so me and my bff liked the same guy.we both liked him alot,too.and unlike alot of idiot girls,we promised eachother that we would not let this one guy break up our awesome bff-ness.we swore that who ever he asked out was the one who got him.and it turned out that he liked me(this is where you say "omfg!!are they still friends???)*scary music time*.he got her to ask me out for him.so she did,infact,(i didnt want to say yes,because i thought shed be upset,and mad at me)she made me say yes.so now he and i are going out,and shes really happy for me.so,(hence the tittle)--I LOVE YOU HAILEY!!!!!!!!!!!BFF'S 4-EVER!!!!!!!!!!!
my stupid sister is always beating me up for no reason whatso ever! its like im her own personal punching bag!!!! whenever i disagree with her she decides to punch me in the face!!!!!!
I realized how horrible my valentines day is going to be. I have the stomach flu, i just got fired , and i have just started my period. That means i can't enjoy the dinner my boyfriend is planning to make, i am now broke since i spent all my money on his gift, and i cant make love on vday.
God help me. I hate 1st period its sooo boring. all we do is type. well at least im up to 70 words a minute. yay me : (
Here is a farewell speech that is sure to be the hit at any going away Dui class party!!!!!
I've learned alot in this class, but I think the one thing I've cherished the most is that the people in here are more f**ked up than a satanic cult.
We'll start with the blond whore in the corner who's more hiked up on L.S.D than the people of Amsterdam, she slurs her words like she's in the middle of giving head to a midget with a rank dick in a bathroom urinal.
Then we have this bitch sitting next to me, who not only reeks worse than the f**king plague, but is entranced in zombie land. Her methadone prescription takes her out of reality and into a god damn coma 24 hours a day.
Let's not forget Socrates, the poet who churns out as many 50 cent words as possible, not even the f**king Egyptians can decipher the shit that pours out of this assholes mouth. He either strives for attention from any dumb bastard that will listen, or he enjoys giving me and the rest of these lowlifes in this class a f**king migraine headache. By the end of the two hours, I'm ready to commit suicide.
I'd like to say a few words about my friend down there who came here illegally. Not only can you not speak a f**king lick of english, when you come to my country and pretend your a citizen,while I pay taxes just so you can live here. Here's the story pal......I already called I.N.S, they'll be waiting for you at your house with your wife and twelve kids held at gunpoint, so you better bow down to me Miguel....and thank your lucky stars you ain't dead.
Not only do I have a soft spot in my heart for this beautiful young lady, but she gave me hope and determination to learn not to be a f**king hypocrite like herself. My friend Danni is also a bag full of emotional issues. She always made me laugh when she cried on cue, she always had a f**king sob story that not even Dr. Phil would give a shit about....So let's raise a glass to Danni...my friend,who's more bloated than a washed up sea creature. you always shedded more tears than O.J getting ass raped in prison. Thank you and god bless......
Last but not least, our crack addict teacher, Mark......who snorts more lines of coke than Johnny Depp in Blow. Not only did you gain my trust for pretending to care about me and my alcohol addiction...but you also bored the living shit out of me with your monotone voice that was drilled into my head like a f**king jackhammer. No wonder I drink....and I will continue to drink until I f**king die.. I didn't need to take agajillion f**king classes to realize I have a problem...being here with you all of you fagets causes me to drink.
So, thank you to all, I'm glad I'm done....now I can cancel my plans of jumping off the nearest f**king cliff.
Sianarah.....f**kers!!
I taught my boss how to zoom in on her computer to aid her in viewing documents with less eye strain. When she zoomed in to 250% she exclaimed "Wow! That's huge!" and my reflex response was "Yeah, that's what she said". My boss is also my girlfriend's mother.
I'd rather have sex then be hugged.
be touched instead of kissed.
should i get help?
im addicted...
i just posted a "rant" with this same tittle.
I was forced to walk my dog the other day
the bitch kept jumping up and down on my leg like a kangaroo in heat....and if I decide to sit on my ass all day-- and be more worthless than a phone operator from Uganda, who can't even speak a f**king lick of english, after I ask him why my cable bill sky-rocketed to the f**king trillion dollar mark.......
my girl will come home from work and bitch--like a guy on death row because he ran a red light in a fighter jet he stole from the god damn Air Force... then she will drag me and the f**king dog to a park--that's more run down than MC Hammer's apartment....and muddier than a woodstock concert
As soon as I opened up the f**king door she bolted out like...Bill Cosby mistaking a pudding pop convention, for a klan parade in Little Rock
So I had to whistle repeatedly, like the god damn bird carnival going on outside my window everyday at 4 in the f**king morning....causing me to suffocate one of those mother f**kers, as it chirps it's last breath to the bird morgue
I hope those other pricks fly to big bird and alert the nest, that this crazy f**king lunatic means business......and not to wake him up, while he's tossing and turning like a guy who just got his arm blown off by a f**king landmine.....
Usually when I walk my dog I'm about 30 yards ahead...that way, if she decides to shit in Orville Reddenbacher's yard...I can quickly rummage through some other bastard's mailbox--pretending I'm a god damn mime, who is more f**king oblivious than Rosie O'donnel's weight loss coach........then while he's cussing and throwing a shovel, and punching his wife in the neck....I could laugh into my jacket and hope my dog comes out alive...
One time I looked behind me, and the little bitch wasn't there...so I had to waste my time and walk back snapping my fingers, like I'm in a f**king Broadway musical (what a unbelievable nightmare).....then I see she's on her back, with her leg's up in the air like a porn star ready to get anally probed...rubbing it's fur on something in the weeds
It's a snake!! that got chopped up into little bits like a Baskin Robbins sunday....by a guy who must have been more trashed than the people of Amsterdam, operating a lawn mower on LSD
As soon as I got home.......I threw raid on my dog's skin, and put it in the crock pot to soak the f**king plague off.....
if anything.......next time I'll wait........and buy a god damn gerbil!!!!!!!!
soooo.... I don't really know if this is considered a rant, but I was talking to my roommate tonight. After seeing the movie Dear John with my teammates Saturday night, we LOVED the movie but felt fricken depressed after cause we want a guy like Channing!! ughhh so hot, sweet, the perfect gentleman, a good son, really wants Savannah, and just everything!! Love stories like Dear John make me think about how I don't have that someone. :/ Why can't I find a guy like that!?! Still looking....
Why do random people think it's okay to spam your mail boxes?
In fact why do complete morons think it's ok to spend their lives inventing scams to use over the Internet?
And while I'm at it why do complete and utter b******s think it's ok to spend their days making computer viruses in order to break peoples computers which they need for work purposes!?
Ok feel kinda better now for putting that out there.