If you read ALL of this I solute you......but PLEASE HELP!!!! I have absolutly NO IDEA what to do about this situation
Ok, so there is this girl that I have known for about 3 years now, we met on Myyearbook, and I started to like her, then a month later we met a our county fair, and I had a HUGE crush on her, when I was going to tell her I got into a relationship that happened so fast I didn't even see it coming.
Well anyways that relationship has been over for a long time now, but the thing is for about a year now I have been DEEPLY In Love with my best friend. But we didn't see eachother that much only talked on the phone a lot so I could hide it from her. I mean I had many different oppertunities to tell her but I was to insecure to tell her. One time we were talking, and SO CLOSE to dating (which is when I stared to fall for her, I just didn't realize it at the time) but I blew it by taking my Ex back and jsut dropping her without even talking to her first, I could have told her 6 months ago b4 she started dating that asshole that cheated on her like I was going to bt I decided to respect her because she really liked him and let her go for him instead of me..............he cheated on her twice, one with her friend, and two with her sister. So since I am one her closest friends and since I have been through it before, she came to me to help her through it. So I did.
It's been about a month now and at this point, since I'm helpin her through her heart-brake we have been hangin out more often, I couldn't hold my feeling's for her in any longer so I told my other friend how I am in love with this person. And that helped a little bit, but not for long, so I had to tell her, after I told her she started to like me a little bit again, we would spend ALOT of time together, just hold hands, cuddle, and enjoyed being with eachother, but she got to that point of her heartbrake were she wanted to be left alone, not touched by anyone, you know how it is. But anyways since I was that one that she turned to out of all this, she thinks of me as her closest friend, when I am even more In Love with her than I was. She told me that she doesn't want to risk our friendship, she told me that she is not letting herself get that close to me, that she is holding herself back from me, and she said it would be awquard for her since I am so close to her as a friend.
She said there is other reasons but there not about "US" so to speak but prblems with her, ok heres the thing, she tells me EVERYTHING and ANYTHING about her, me, life, and ppl and things in gerneral, and vice versa, and she knows me better than I know me, she can just randomly say how I am feeling or what I am thinking about at any given moment just out of the blue, no matter if its about her, or a personal issue, and we dnt even have to be talking about it, or talking at all lol. So I think she would tell me what her problem with it was if it was about "just her" not "Us"...or even "ME"....but IDK, maybe its just hard for her to say it right now, maybe its because if she says it she is scared that I will try in a different way to get her to like me in that way, or maybe she is scared that if she says it then she will get to close to me anyways. Or maybe she doesn't want to hurt me to bad.
But the thing is she is hurting me without trying to BY holding it back from me. I mean I live by and have ALWAYS lived by this philosophy, "I would rather now the truth, get hurt and down for a lil while, and get back up than not know anything at all. Because all in all you will most likely come out a better, stronger person in the end." So I have absolutly NO IDEA what to do about this, is it just a stage in being heartbroken? I went through it but not in this way and not for this long.....is it because that she is not interested in my like that what-so-ever? I mean I need answers from some ppl besides my own intentions. so I came on here.
I Love her with EVERYTHING I have in me, I would die in a heart beat for her, I think that she is the most WONDERFUL girl that I have ever met, shes head-strong, nice, funny, adorable, cute, spontanious, beautiful, she makes me do things I would never do, I can actualy tell her everything and open up completely and do it comfortably, and without feeling like she is judging me in the back of her head, and I have never been able to do that before, not even with my own mom, she changned me for the better and I am who I am today because of her and she just caught ahold of my heart while I wasnt looking, and I don't want to let her go that easy, I am a fighter, even when I am brought down to my lowest of lows I will fight for what I love, I have been for 5 months now and right now I am feeling worse off than when I had my heart absolutly crushed becasue there are still so many un-anwsered questions that are making me worried sick if its me, or what, because I am SO CAREFULL of what I say or do around her or around anyone else that involves her in anyway what-so-ever. So IDK, I need some kind of adivce